Friday, November 12, 2004

Their Tyranny Must Be Stopped!

I am, of course, talking about models. Super Models, specifically, who earned the title due to their ability to regurgitate a meal faster than a speeding bullet, and to crush a regular woman's self-esteem in a single photo shoot. Apparently, the good folk in New York feel the same way, and have introduced new mannequins that have a little somethin' somethin' extra.

"It is a serious sociological trend that is positive for retailers and customers in that the tyranny of the undernourished perfect model is over," said Rich Rollison of Lifestyle Forms and Display, which designed the pants form mannequin.

Other companies also are developing more realistic mannequins with larger posteriors in maternity and plus sizes.

Now, this is clearly a step in the right direction, moving away from unrealistic Barbie doll images, to more realistic shapes, ones that are built for comfort rather than speed. Yet, there is still a long way to go. As a huge fan of reality, I say the more real-to-life the better. Therefore, pregnancy mannequins should sport not only the larger backside and belly, they also need the swollen ankles, knees clutched together desperately, with a box of Saltine crackers in one hand and a tattered copy of What To Expect in the other.

And it most definitely should not stop there. There's also the PMS one, which can be interchangeable with the pregnancy one, just replace the book with a jumbo sized bottle of Extra-Strength Tylenol, smear some chocolate on the lips, and strap a heating pad around the abdomen. The exploding head is optional.

And let's not forget about the working women, who spend all or most of the day sitting at a desk, staring at a computer screen. These can just have the bottoms
removed altogether, and replaced with a sheet of flat plywood. Add the beautiful blue varicose veins running up and down both legs, and you've got a winner. (These are actually best viewed under a glass ceiling, by the way.)

New mothers? Comb a little Wesson oil through their hair, dump Goldfish cracker crumbs in their bra, and add a little spritz of Eau de Kool-Aid behind the ears, and I guarantee sales will triple.

There are also the models for us fur-bearers. They come with tiny bits of wax stuck to the eyebrow area (one of which should be nearly gone), red and irritated upper lips from using the depilatory cream that was supposed to be for sensitive skin, and legs covered with razor burn and tiny bandaids.

Finally, there would be the most popular one of all: A mannequin showing a woman who has some or all of these body shapes, but doesn't let it affect her self-esteem. One who accepts and loves herself, not in spite of her body but because of it. One that doesn't rate herself using others standards, looks, or opinions. There's just one problem with this idea, though; finding a woman like this to use as a model.

And I don't mean just for the mannequin.

(Cross-posted at The American Street)


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