Thursday, December 09, 2004

I Got Your 15 Minutes Right Here, Pal!

Since I have absolutely nothing to discuss that wouldn't make all of you want to ram a set of chopsticks into your eyes, I've come up with a novel idea. I'll let everyone else post for me. I'm going to grab snippets from the blogs listed on the left there, and cut and paste them into some form of ... something. No links provided, if you truly want to know what kind of sick fucks I link to, you'll have to go search them out yourself. (Except for MPH, because he, like, owns me. He said so.)

I was reading the LA Times online and came upon a blurb reading: Ryan Seacrest would be executed on national television. It probably costs more than I reasonably should be spending, but it's just so damn cute. It sounds like a cow mooing.

I've learned a lot about social structure and acceptable behavior, honestly. It's becoming more obvious to me that they don't check for steroids in professional tennis. If it weren't for the chastity belts, I think I'd really like to party with those people. I figure I'll have to stop at Walmart and get me a staple gun...

There are some practical problems to dating though. The backs of my ears start to smell like cheeseburgers after awhile. I think there is more than enough evidence to warrant at least a bit of justified suspicion. I'm old enough (and cynical enough) to realize that's a good thing. That was it--I'm a cheap date, what can I say.

People, I am not shitting you. Every once in a while, I like to Google myself, despite the warnings that I'll go blind. Either way, it's all "broken" and "unreliable" but IT WILL WORK if you grip it all tight and funny with your right hand to hold the damn thing together. --wha? Hey! My penis just fell off!

There, I'm done. Nobody sue me, okay?


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