I Never Promised You a Rose Garden

I can only assume that the lack of comments on my last post was some sort of bizarre retaliatory response to the incorrect paraphrasing of Sir Elton's song, and not at all a show of lack of readership resulting from my spotty posting style of late. To which I respond: Fuck you, it's my blog, and I can misquote whoever and whatever the hell I feel like.

That being said, I did promise to write something (there may even have been something mentioned about 'funny' and 'not so much crap anymore' but I was probably lying) so here goes with the something.

Um ... well ... huh. Let's see ... Oh! We can always talk about how life would be more entertaining if it were like the movies. Remember in Groundhog Day, when Bill Murray's character has relived the same day for maybe the 15th time, and is shocking and awe-ing Andie McDowell's character with all the personal details he knows about everybody in the town. That would make parties so much more entertaining if one could introduce people in this way.

"This is Janice. She drinks too much, and her husband's a dick. Over here are Ted and Alice. They vote Republican, and both have sticks the size of redwood trees up their asses. Oh, and their son is gay and schtupping his gym teacher. Have you met Woody? He drives a very big truck to overcompensate for a small penis, and he's terrible in the sack. That's his wife, Mia, over there. She's an anal retentive neat freak who gives out personal information way too freely. And this is Bob. He has a serious flatulence problem, and will probably be on the news someday for taking hostages at the local McDonald's. Enjoy the party!"

And ... that's all I have for today.