Tuesday, July 11, 2006

At What Point ...

... can one reply: "Up your butt." to the question: "So, where would you like this light switch?"

... can a woman smash the fucking TV to bits because she's had just about enough of the Tour de France?

... can that same woman stand to hear her significant other talk about the Tour de France before she strangles him with a bike chain?

... is it considered socially acceptable to pitch chicken feces at the neighbor who is still blaming you for the destruction of her garden (which consists of a fucking tomato plant and a stick) and not the 2 hour rainstorm which happened once in 30 years and the fact that she lives downhill from me doesn't matter a bit because water always flows uphill and I should just give up and nuke the whole fucking thing from orbit so her stick won't get wet again ever in this rain soaked pit of despair that we call a mother-fucking DESERT?

... would it be a good idea to suddenly stop posting Placeholders of Doooooom and replace them with a post full of bile and hatred and potty talk?

... should one finally flip out; after the 13th time that day you've been asked "So, are you the new owners? Where's (previous owner's name)?" or after the 27th time you've had to wait 15 minutes for the customer to hang up their cellphone so they can ask you for directions to Starbucks? And what is the better reaction, accidentally spilling hot coffee on them, or leaping through the window into their car and beating them to death with their hood ornament?

... is it considered financially wise to print out Starbucks Sucks pins and hand them out to customers?

... after this business decision would Starbucks sue the snot out of you and you end up living in a cardboard box underneath a bridge?

... would the guy living next to you complain that your shopping cart has diverted the water from under the bridge to his park bench and has therefore destroyed his precious tomato plant and sticks?

... do you finally realize that no matter how many times you delete and rewrite the previous statement, it still isn't the least bit funny?

... should one just decide to screw this list and begin drinking beer?


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