Things To Do When You're Dumb

Eat a whopping 3 bites of chicken for dinner. Then, (and this is important), as quickly as humanly possible, suck down half a bottle of wine. Then, lie down on the bed for a half hour catnap, but wake up a good 8 hours later, fully dressed and totally confused.

Ok, now that I've got the unemployed bit down, and I'm clearly well on my way to the alcoholic part, it's just a hop and a skip away from the Jerry Springer show. Except that I have all my original teeth, do not have or have no desire to have, a mullet. So, there goes that plan.

What I did today, that didn't involve a trip to the local detox center: Went shopping for the last pieces of the costume. I discovered what horse hair is, and it is not actually HORSE HAIR. Good to know. I also got a kitten, who has been busy destroying evil socks and fingers and kitchen floor rugs all afternoon, and is sleeping the sleep of the very tired fighters of all evil things.

And, in a truly bizarre yet par for the course conversational twist with the friend I went shopping and kitten-napping with today, (who shall henceforth be referred to as Squishy, for reasons that will become clear in about 2 sentences) she dared me to discuss her breasts on my blog tonight. So, without further ado, here it is:

She has breasts. Two of them. And they are very LAAAAARRRRGE BREEAASSSSTS.

I aim to please.