Saturday, February 12, 2005

A Few Answers (Probably More Than Four)


1) What freakin' state do you live in?

I have been in a state of panic, I once was in a state of euphoria, (but that was in what should have been my college years), and now I am pretty much always in a state of disarray.

(Aw, c'mon, you HAD to be expecting that answer.)

2) What's with all the goddamn secrecy?

Why? What have you heard?!? WHO'S BEEN TALKING ABOUT ME?!?

3) Enough with the personal questions. When was the first day of your last period?

All I have to say on this subject is I am NOT PREGNANT.

4) Tell us every good idea for a story or a novel that you've ever had in as much detail as possible.

Gone on the Downdraft-An epic tale of a spoiled Southern belle who marries unwisely and frequently, all the while pining away for some pasty faced Nancy-Boy with the stamina and personality of boiled cabbage. Then there's a war, a city burns to the ground, and everybody dies.

The Business Trip-A man goes on an extended business trip, an 'odyssey', if you will, and faces numerous trials and tribulations to get back to his wife and family. Then there's a war, a city sinks to the bottom of the ocean, and everybody moves to Detroit, where they all die.

Charlotte's Wig-A talking pig befriends a head louse who lives in an alopecia sufferer's wig, and the head louse tries to save the pig's life by 'writing' advertising slogans in the wig, and the wearer sells the advertising space on eBay. Nobody moves, the auction closes at $24,000, but the pig still dies.


1) Was the last fuck necessary in that sentence?

Fuck if I know.

2) Could you avert a hostile takeover of a skyscraper ala John McClane in Die Hard?

Yes, but I'd need a lot more duct tape and a lot less bleeding.

3) Did you get tired after writing that long post?

I'll tell you after my nap.

4) If you got to eat with Boy George, what would you order?

Taquitos, a sandwich, and a diet Coke.


1) where are my taquitos?

Right here. YES, that is what they are supposed to look like, and NO, there is no 'funny smell.'

2) What goes in taquitos?

I'll tell you AFTER you eat them.

3) Which of the 5 "Thin Man" movies was the best?

The one when he almost died from eating poisoned taquitos.

4) Who played the Thin Man?

Some dead guy.


1) How much money have you made from your cafe press store? (just noticed the link)

Well, that depends on how much you spent.

2) Would you save MPH or Pops from a burning building?

Whoever has the taquitos.


I like taquitos.

You can't say "neither."

Yes, I can, I just did, and this is not a question, so you're out of the band.

3) Are the Twos really Terrible?

Well, if you discount the flame throwers, death threats, and the boogers ... Naw!

4) Do you have any cat photos?

This is technically your 5th question, so I'm not allowing it. However, since it involves cats, I'm letting you back in the band.


1) Are you ever going to fucking finish The Fellowship of the Ring?

I fucking hope so, but I don't fucking think so.

2) The song "I Hope You Dance:" nausea inducing or teary eyed gem?

If the song were renamed 'I Hope You Choke on Your Own Bile' it might qualify as nausea inducing. However, since it isn't, it's just a pile of over-sentimental crap.

3) What was the name and address of your last employer?

BastardCo, 123 Bastards Way, Bastardia, ME 01812

4) What's the deal with Cliff Claven?

I'd tell you, but I'm pretty sure the US Postal Service and Carla the waitress would have me killed and shipped to Cambodia.


1) Did you give candy to your kids before dinner?

No, because candy was their dinner.

2) Did you take a shower today?

Do you mean today today or today when the question was first posted today? Either way, I'm not telling.

3) Why do I attract people to come and cry in front of me?

The giant target you have tattooed on your forehead.

4) Is there any idea on how to remove the pouches under the eyes? would really like to know.

Yes, I'm sure there are.


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