Caveat Mother-Fucker

Open Letter to the Judgemental, Pushy and Rude Fucker Who Called Me Today to Strong-Arm Me Out of Money:

Dear Judgemental, Pushy and Rude Fucker:

Thank you for your insincere attempts to engage me with small talk. Thank you also for your irritating and pointless (not to mention unfunny) attempts at humor. I do this for a 'living', and I just have to say: Damn, but you SUCK at it.

However, I would most like to thank you for your use of scare tactics, and attempts to shame and humilate me, and most importantly, when I expressed that I believed it to already have been paid, your blatant refusal to provide me with any proof that this is still a valid debt. It was this statement, especially: "If you want proof, then take us to court!" that prompted me to call the original company to whom I owed this money, to validate that the debt still stands. By doing this, I was able to make arrangements to pay them directly, therefore making your involvement (I'd say your entire existence, but I don't like to brag), totally and completely unnecessary.

In summary: The original company gets their money, we save $30.00, and you get to take your fee/bonus/generally-being-a-pushy-prick kickback, (or whatever it is called in your office), and SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS.

I love win/win situations.

Go Fuck Yourself Sincerely,

The Little Guy