Tuesday, April 26, 2005

I Got Yer 15 ... No, 30 Minutes Right Here, Pal!

Here's the second installment of Plagiarism, American Style, where I have absolutely nothing to say, so I go around and rip off snippets from other blogs I link to. (Note: not all are linked on this site, some I just read and am too damn lazy or insensitive to add their links.) Enjoy, anyway.

Like all the best whores, I'm complete without conscience or dignity, incapable of being embarrassed. I was reminded of this strange phenomenon when I glanced over at the donut that had been sitting next to me for well over an hour. All I tasted was banana and water. Why, God, why!? It doesn't do to make pregnant people cry. Keep it up and the next hooker you buy will be loaded with the clap.

Tell me, where are all the Kelsey Grammer pin-up magazines? From now on I think we should re-shape our world to where reality matches porn. I'm game, but I need a video camera. If you enjoy it, I might just make this a new feature. I totally turn into a gawker - you know, slow way down and hang open the mouth. Then I needed to wash my corneas.

We got to sample the famous Korean Airlines bibimbap lunch, and it was surprisingly good! Two fucking armadillos in a cream cheese sauce. You see where this is going, don't you? Until it was washed, it would sit around and stink, or perhaps get moldy. Not exactly the best marketing tactic I've ever seen.

Is this or is this not SEX ON WHEELS? There were some slow places, but overall a cute "date" kind of movie. It was the 1998 made-for-tv version, not the 1980 made-for-tv version, if you're interested. Explosions make great TV. And with some work - the Slinky was born. Fuck, that was insightful.

Did you know if Ernest Borgnine drowns in his hot tub I get a toaster? I don't know how such a small amount of hair can be made to stick out so forcefully in all directions. That's probably another reason why it's a good idea I'm not a mom. Then again, I'd be a hollow shell of a man without my Mickey Mouse waffle iron. We'll need it, as we have a full day today as well.


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