Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Some Posts Just Write Themselves.

Others must be stolen. Without further ado, I present (Insert witty title for equally Witty Regular Feature) here:

Welcome to my brain. Might be a bit feeble these days, but what can you do?

Well, I've indulged in a bit of (almost) old fashioned pencil drawing. One of those random pictures happens to be my random brother, Jason. It must be noted here that he does not drink coffee. Instead, he put his belly directly onto the floor and made like a boot-camp soldier, speed-crawling into the laundry room and behind the dryer, where I was informed later that he stayed until 4 pm.

What is it that makes me say "No more" to this relationship? He's also one of those people who talks to you with his eyes closed about 80% of the time he's talking. Plus there was a whole lot of head tilting to compensate. But unfortunately, he just wasn't playing my game. He chose a mini cheese pizza. He cleans up his own puke, thankyouverymuch. Here's a video of it, fresh at the table, boiling with spicy soybean goodness:
I don't know when it will begin, but I know that it's gonna happen any time now. Using a splayed pair of scissors to pierce the layers of tape, the first fragrant hint of humid excrement becomes apparent. The animals can always smell it coming first. I'll be begging for good luck when it gets closer. There's even lightning and thunder and everything. Now you see why I can't sleep. Please, oh please, let it go okay.

I feel like I've shed a hundred pounds. I might just make it out alive as well. Well fuck. It's all at the bottom of the cup - look at the color! That's not the right color. It's fuzzy. How much do I have left? You can't get that shit in Detroit. I just passed out momentarily but landed safely on the carpet. Totally worth it, though.

But nobody is getting my eggplant.

You all know the drill: Much laughing, no suing. Thank you for playing.

**SJ-inspired addendum**:

(For those of you who don't know the drill, here's the scoop. I go around, visiting different blogs I frequent, and take a sentence there, a phrase there, and transmogorify it into something completely different, something really odd, and something completely not-intended-by-original-writer. Get it? Got it? Good.)


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