Tuesday, December 28, 2004

My Milk Carton ... is Better'n Yours

Without further ado, I'd like to introduce the Got Milk? Bastards. In the name of 'nutrient quality' and 'concern over childhood obesity', they have begun the process of eliminating the traditional paper milk carton and replacing it with new plastic containers. Just like vinyl records, Saturday morning cartoons, and slipping Mom Nyquil in order to steal her smokes, another reminder of my childhood is falling by the wayside. It's just not right, I tell you.

First, we're pandering to the little plastic-loving planet killers, next thing we know, they're kicking the shit out of Santa. I suppose the next logical step is to serve them filet mignon and let them loose in the local retirement home with socks filled with oranges. Not exactly sporting, even if the government is moving away from the previous practice of duct-taping seniors to their beds, and is encouraging free-range elderly.

(*Disclaimer: This post was done largely against my will and/or common sense. It's just that I'm so afraid of being accused of jumping the shark, I refuse to post about what I got for Christmas even though I got a TV, or a Best/Worst of list, even though that whole 'finding a cure for cancer' thing really rocked, but then the 'having a piano dropped on my head the next day which wiped out my short term memory' incident sucked ass. I also won't be doing a Year in Review even though Jennifer Garner beating up Anna Nicole Smith in the parking lot of Piggly Wiggly was clearly the high point. This really did happen, and is most definitely not something I made up on the spur of the moment in a desperate attempt to fill up space or to hide the fact that I have no idea how to end this post gracefully.)


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