Q and A

Celti-How can we possibly get to the point of the perfect amount of cowbell?

There is no way to achieve this. The only one who has gotten close was John Belushi, with his Samurai Delicatessen bit, but the strain was too much for him, and we all know the results.

Derek-Do you, in fact, have access to a "streetwise Hercules?"
If you do, does he work on Thursdays?
Do you know what movie I vaguely referenced with that last question?
Small dogs fetching firecrackers and dying horrible deaths: for or against?

Yes, but he's doped up on crack and marshmallows, to keep him off the furniture.
No, but he can work on your car (but only if it's a '76 Gremlin, otherwise, never mind.)
Yes. Yes, I do.
I'd have to say 'for', simply because I don't want to be against a small dog when it's dying a horrible death. Ew.

MPH-First, where's the sandwich?
Second, isn't Blog Jesus already doing this?
Third, sandwich?

No, Why is the sandwich, Hoo's on first, and Where's in left field.
I'm stumping to be your replacement, a la Letterman/Carson, and I fully expect to be hosed over for the job just as Dave was, but at least I'll have a crappy TV movie of the week made about it.
Um ... still no. (Insert witty reason why here.)

Pops-Why all the disdain for "phoning it in"? This is some kind of passive-aggressive way to tell me you don't like my blog, isn't it?

No, this is: "Gee, your blog is really ... interesting. It's amazing what some people do with their spare time, isn't it?"

Kevin Hayden-What are you wearing?

A pirate hat, bright pink mukluks, and a smile.

Kif-What are you NOT wearing?

Dentures, hence the smile.

Flamingo Jones-Hmm...I have no question, but you CAN count on me to spray milk out of my nose. I'll have a tall glass and some oreos at the ready.

No question = No soup for you! Unless you fork over those Oreos, then we'll talk.

Kim-Can you explain what incredible coochie-super-power Paris Hilton has that keeps her in the media spotlight?
and while you're at it is there anyway to stop her and her evil from spreading?

Don't quote me on this, as I do not want to be pursued by her evil monkeys, but she has crack and marshmallow mojo. Powerful stuff, but I have a secret weapon consisting of mayonaisse, Nutter-Butters, and a super-secret-sauce that will cause her old nose to grow back, which will of course stop her evil from spreading. It worked on Barbra Streisand, after all. Everybody loves Babs.

As always, I look forward to ripping off more of MPH's material.