Sunday, May 22, 2005

Hunka-Hunka Burnin' Love!

So, we went to see Star Wars Ep. 3 today, on a spur of the moment decision. Kudos to the man for swinging the vote 'our way' with a cleverly given choice: "Do you want to go buy swimming suits, or go see Star Wars?" Never mind that the purchase of swimsuits was to be followed up immediately with the USE of them, by the time this little factoid was realized we were sitting with the Jumbo Tub O'Cholesterol in a darkened theater, watching Angelina Jolie's naughty bits flash by advertising her new movie.

Anyhoo ... not wanting to leave traumatizing our children to virtual strangers, there was some discussion about whether or not it would be too violent for the little one. And, since it's hard to get this information while you are face down on the floor screaming "Don't tell me what happens in the movie!!!" with your hands pressed over your ears, we had to selectively read other spoiler-wary reviews, and finally just decided that we could cover her eyes if necessary. Or dump water on the person sitting to our side, in order to distract her so we could watch the carnage unencumbered.

Now, for those people wondering if the movie is too scary/violent/emotive for their own younglings, I can say that it was ... not so bad. Here's the spoiler-free violence breakdown, with it's sponge-worthiness rating.

Instances of hands lopped off with light sabers: 3
Sponge-worthiness: First two, no sponge needed. Happens very quickly, no blood. The last one (in final battle scene) 2, possibly 3 sponges.)

Beheadings via light sabers: One. Implied, camera cuts away, happens too quickly to necessitate sponge. 0
(Not counting robots, droids or storm-troopers, unless your child is emotionally attached to vacuum cleaner. Then 1 sponge.)

And, since I'm tired of this whole thing, and the sponge-worthy test has been done to death, I'd just have to say that the only thing I'd be concerned about is the final battle scene, (highlight to see, can't avoid spoiler here), which may leave your child afraid of amputees and smore's.

And, finally, I'd just like to say that the most disturbing thing is that poor Anakin, so intent on keeping his marriage together, learning to master The Force, and compete with Orlando Bloom for top sci-fi/fantasy hottie, can't find time to sleep or wash his hair.

(Disclaimer: I don't know most of you from Adam, nor do I know your kids. I have no idea if they are afraid of the dark, public speaking, or cotton balls. All I know is that, when I was eight, my parents took me to a freakin' CINDERELLA stage performance, when everyone else in my class saw the movie, and you see how I turned out. The decision is yours, and you'd be amazed how high people can jump when cold water is tossed in their lap.)


Blogger Dusti said...

Actually, there was more blood in A New Hope. During the cantina scene when Obi-Wan lops off the arm of an unruly patron, the camera pans down to reveal the carnage lying in a small pool of blood.

9:59 PM  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

Great post! I loved the movie. I do think Anakin's chopped off legs and subsequent burning might scare some little sensitive ones. But, my kids are teens and we ate it up, gross stuff and all.

10:02 PM  
Blogger HappyFunBall said...

Dusti-When that movie came out, the little one was really little, and was able to be left at home with Grandma. And I think it's a Star Wars tradition that someone has to lose a limb.

Jamie Dawn-Ooooh, fresh meat! I mean, hi. Boy, sure glad I went to all the trouble to hide the spoiler in the actual post, so the freaks ... I mean FANS, could go after YOU instead of me.

10:11 PM  

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