Oscar Recap

"Some actresses wear their hearts on their sleeves. I prefer to wear my boobs on my shoulder."

"Hi, I'm hoping to win an award in the 'Ruffled Lampshade' category!"

"If Joan Rivers takes ONE more step toward me, I'm gonna punch her in the throat."

Robert Altman got the heart of a 30 year old woman.
Dolly Parton got her boobs.

"Gary Busey just punched me in the stomach!"

"I would have been here sooner, but my limo driver just dragged me 16 blocks before realizing I was underneath the car."

"I know I had some gum in here somewhere..."

"I'm not wearing any underwear!"

"Shit, here comes Gary Busey. I know I had some mace in here somewhere ..."

And finally, I refuse to point out that my girl Jennifer Garner lost her footing as well as her nursing bra. Oh, dammit! Well, never mind.