Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Have a Drink on Me

Since I'm the blogger that cares, I will go to great lengths to keep you, my legion of loyal readers, entertained and happy. I might even be wiling to go down the street to get you a Subway sandwich, but you'd have to pay for gas. So, with that thought in mind, I present to you:

The Tater Drinking Game

The rules are quite simple:

Whenever I use CAPITAL LETTERS to illustrate that something is supposed to be humorous, (for example: 'I have done Extensive Research...' or 'Anna Nicole Smith'), take one drink.

Whenever I use a string of words connected by dashes (ex.: '... Martha-Stewart-Wanna-Be-Who-Is-Really-Rush-Limbaugh-In-Drag...), take two drinks.

Whenever I stutter or mention 'Haliburton' ... no, wait, that's another drinking game. Ignore this one.

And, finally, whenever I dive right off into the deep end, and starting spouting out stories and facts about Things-That-Only-Happen-In-The-Land-Of-The-Purple-Sky-People*, grab whatever bottle is nearest to you, and down the entire sucker as fast as humanly possible.

Now, since this is not televised, obviously you can't play it like other types of drinking games. What I would suggest, is at least 2 weeks before the party, you get a list of people who you like to drink with. Invite these people. Then, once you have the guest list squared away, and you have a pretty good idea of how many people will be in attendance, you then print all of my entries, and make enough copies for everyone. (It would probably be a good idea to make a few extras, in case more show up than expected.) Now, in order to save time, if your friends tend to be a bit slow on the uptake, you may want to go through and highlight the different things they need to look out for. Use different colors, and then print out a separate color key. For example, you could assign the color blue for the all caps, and have the number three in blue on the color key.

Then, everybody can sit down, read the posts, and the hilarity will soon ensue. Of course, you may also need to have one person read it first, and then have them do the drinking, with someone else reading over their shoulder, to prevent any cheating ... but then that would leave one drunk person and a group of sober people. Hmmm ... or you could all just read it aloud, and then drink simultaneously ... but then you would have to put down the papers to drink, and you may lose your place...

You know what? On second thought, this was a phenomenonally stupid idea. I'm sorry I had you all read this. I thought it would work. Let's just forget this whole thing, and drink ourselves into a stupor the old-fashioned way, sitting on our asses in front of the TV.

*Attentive Tater readers would have noted this was one of the situations calling for a drink, and would have already have this printed and highlighted in the correct color code. But, since we've already determined this whole thing is a colossal waste of time, Even-More-Attentive readers are already 3 sheets to the wind and can't see the monitor anymore, anyway.


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