Friday, December 31, 2004

The Best and Worst and a Little Something in Between of Everything

I don't have cable television. I'm only allowed to leave the house on special occasions, and then only if I have a envelope of coupons somewhere on my person. The last book I was able to finish reading in one sitting involved a bunny and pictures ... excuse me, illustrations, that were larger than the Sunday paper. So, you won't be getting a Best Book/Music/Event That Happened Outside My Immediate Realm of Consciousness list from me. What you will get is ... well, just read, and you'll find out.

Biggest Whoop-Ass of 2004: Charley, Frances, Ivan, Jeanne, and Jon. Proof that Mother Nature hates mosquitos as much as she hates bowties.

He'll win one for the Gipper with God, now. Nothing can bring Republicans and Democrats together like a shared love of jelly beans.

I'm pretty sure the Gipper spoke to the Bambino about this, too.

Best News Stories that Never Happened: Michael Jackson shut out of Olympics, runs to Bubbles the Chimp for comfort, they wed. Paris Hilton found in menage a trois with Rosie O'Donnel and Rupert from Survivor. Hillary Clinton purchases small town in Iowa, renames it I Hate Lewinsky-ville.

Best Idea I Wish I Had Come Up With: Sure, it's pretty, but can it hold spare change? (Click HERE to see it up close and personal.)

Oh, yeah, and speaking of pussies ...'s one who's clearly going straight to Hell.

And finally, and most importantly: Most In Need of Our Help. Find a relief organization, send whatever you can: money, prayers, yourself. Please.


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