Well, since I failed to receive proper credit and milk-spewage from a comment I left here
about this story
, I'm repeating it here.
"An animal-control officer took the dog to Dr. Sondra Brown, a veterinarian at Northwood Animal Hospital, who could not determine whether the dog had been sexually abused."
Here's an actual snippet of the actual conversation that I just now totally made up:
"Can you show me, on the doll, where the bad man touched you?"
"Bark bark woof."
"Bark bark WOOF? I'm sorry, I'm unfamiliar with that dialect, can we get an interpreter? No, Lucky, don't do that to the doll ... Bad dog! I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. You're a very good dog, in a bad situation ... Ok, d'ya think you can stop licking yourself ... there, and look at me? Let's try this again... No, I said NO! Put down the doll, DOWN! Oh, look, Lucky, here's the nice interpreter, she's just here to help me listen to you ... LUCKY! DOWN! BAD DOG! Get off the nice interpreter's leg ... I'm so sorry, no, come back, he doesn't understand what he's doing is wrong, he's a victim! Wait! Oh, DAMMIT. This sucks, I KNEW I should have become a dentist ... PUT THE DAMN DOLL DOWN, YOU FUCKING DOG!"
And, in related news, keep your pets away from Washington State
. (Thanks to observant reader and ice cream fetishist Llama for the story.)