Monday, August 29, 2005

6 Feet or Over

Just to let you all know, I haven't, as yet, choked on a sandwich. There is a whole helluva lot going on in my life, and it's just so damn interesting, I may even share it with you all. Or I could just go drink. I might even post a picture of a cat, but just to piss off Pops. Yeah, that's always a good idea, so here goes: (More on the rest, later.)

Thursday, August 11, 2005

...But, These Go to Eleventerhooks!

First, it's good to be back. No, wait ... First, my computer sucks, second, it's good to be back. We're out a cool hundred, but it could have been worse, my computer doesn't suck so much anymore ... and let's move on.

We've made an offer on a dwelling, a residence, a piece of earth that isn't so much ... HERE anymore, and after letting us stew all day, they have called and accepted. They have ... what's that?!? ACCEPTED?!? Sweet holy fuck, what the hell?!? I mean, oh, good, we're homeowners now. No ... wait ... I'm sorry, my first reaction was the right one.


Oh, yeah, and the: Oh good, we're homeowners now stuff, too.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

A Good Comment Bears Repeating

Well, since I failed to receive proper credit and milk-spewage from a comment I left here about this story, I'm repeating it here.

"An animal-control officer took the dog to Dr. Sondra Brown, a veterinarian at Northwood Animal Hospital, who could not determine whether the dog had been sexually abused."

Here's an actual snippet of the actual conversation that I just now totally made up:

"Can you show me, on the doll, where the bad man touched you?"

"Bark bark woof."

"Bark bark WOOF? I'm sorry, I'm unfamiliar with that dialect, can we get an interpreter? No, Lucky, don't do that to the doll ... Bad dog! I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. You're a very good dog, in a bad situation ... Ok, d'ya think you can stop licking yourself ... there, and look at me? Let's try this again... No, I said NO! Put down the doll, DOWN! Oh, look, Lucky, here's the nice interpreter, she's just here to help me listen to you ... LUCKY! DOWN! BAD DOG! Get off the nice interpreter's leg ... I'm so sorry, no, come back, he doesn't understand what he's doing is wrong, he's a victim! Wait! Oh, DAMMIT. This sucks, I KNEW I should have become a dentist ... PUT THE DAMN DOLL DOWN, YOU FUCKING DOG!"

And, in related news, keep your pets away from Washington State.

(Thanks to observant reader and ice cream fetishist Llama for the story.)