On Not Writing

I've been doing some research, and have found that, as a writer, I'm fucked. Not because I haven't actually done any writing, because that's just crazy talk.

No, I'm fucked because I just can't take myself as seriously as other (*ahem*) authors out there. I don't want to be an author, and I firmly believe that anyone who refers to themself as such, or the much dreaded 'scribe' should be taken out and shot in the privates. I don't care much about the whole necessary evils of successful publishing, either: book tours, interviews, hand jobs for the primo spots in the bookstores. I just want to be left alone with my kids and my cats and eat marshmallows and write and get enough money to buy a big ass house with a separate room for my Legos and someone named Stefan to clean up my Lego Room when I'm done.

It doesn't have to be a large room.